W(h)ine

I hate to be one of those people who goes on about how annual events aren't as good as they used to be now that they've become popular... BUT... The Sea and Vines Festival in McLaren Vale sucked arse this year. C&I have been going probably for four or five years now and we've sort of got a bit of a tradition going where we go to Coriole winery for their bouillabaisse (ask for instructions on how to pronounce it properly, because if you're most people, you can't). We like Coriole. The setting is really quite lovely. The views over the vineyards are pretty spesh and there's something charming about the patio area and garden. We like to go just there sometimes and not bother with anywhere else; get our meal and a bottle between us and watch most of the afternoon go by before getting a coffee and heading back to my parents' place. This year the bouillabaisse had sold out. We weren't overly late or anything but they said they were insanely busy on Sunday leaving not enough to go round on the Monday (where's Jesus when you need him?) so we checked the guide and thought the curry at D'Arenberg sounded scrummy. We were there moments later and things looked pleasing enough. The wind was blowing a gale but the marquees looked pretty sturdy and E-type Jazz were playing there, and although I think they're way overrated (they're largely a cover band but because it's jazz we're all supposed to sit up and listen like they're sooooo brilliant), I don't mind them as far as generic jazz background music goes. It was when we ordered the food that things started to seem a bit sub-par. The curry consisted of about half a cup of steamed rice, 2 prawns, 2 morsels of some type of fish, a mussel, some yellow sauce which vaguely tasted of curry and a sprig of coriandar. The menu promised naan bread (actually it promised "nann" bread) but what we got was two bits of a batard (sliced at an angle, cos that's classy). All this was only $10 each, plus $19 for a bottle of wine and two glasses (forgot to bring our own cups). Of course we were still starving so we paid another $5 for a paper cone of deep fried, reconstituted potato sticks (which people keep insisting are chips these days) which, by the clever addition of salt, were a damn sight tastier than the curry. Oh, we did buy some oysters as well, which were actually pretty good but what's with five per serve? Don't they usually come in half-dozen denominations? You can't split five oysters between two people; there's no way to cut one in half or just take 'little bites'. So we left to find Haselgrove, who had an intriguing sticky date cheesecake on the menu, but we drove past the turnoff so ended up at Wirra Wirra, who had some other type of cheesecake on offer. We got our bottle and glasses but were stopped at the gate because they don't have a BYO licence, so we couldn't take our wine into a winery, where other people were drinking wine, from bottles. So we walked straight back to the car. It's a bit silly isn't it? At Norwood Food & Wine festival you can walk from one end of the Parade to the other with a half-full glass but at this supposedly coordinated event, you can't move wine from one drinking place to another drinking place. We also left because the band had just finished playing 'Nutbush City Limits' and had just started 'Jesse's Girl'. Fuck that. So we left to find Haselgrove again but upon finding it, found out their cellar door was in town and they had occupied a hall for music and food enjoyment so turned back to town and found a park right out front. We soon found out why. We walked up the steps just as the band was at the end of the second verse of 'April Sun in Cuba', so we forked over a fiver for the cheesecake and were out of there before the end of the second chorus. We went next door to Tatachilla, cheesecake in hand (and nobody stopped us at the gate to tell us we couldn't consume food we'd bought at another food-selling place). They had a Cibo coffee tent set up there so we ordered coffees and checked out the main tent while we were waiting (they were busy). C thought she'd try a couple of wines so asked for a taste of something white and the lady poured her a drop. Then she asked for a taste of a red and this guy pours her a whole glass and asks for $5. "I just wanted a taste," says C. He says "We're not doing tastings today". So C says "But she just gave me a taste of that other wine". Then the she in question comes over and tries to tell C that no, they really weren't doing tastings, despite the fact she had just supplied her with one. C said "Well I didn't want this and I don't want to pay for it" and after the two behind the counter looked at each other and realised they'd kinda dug their own grave on that one, she poured the wine into another glass and we went and got our coffee and sat down to enjoy cake. The cake wasn't bad. It wasn't great either. And the band there, who weren't playing when we arrived, started playing. It was a pre-programmed keyboard arrangement with a live sax player. And when they started playing 'Spanish Flea' I think we both made the realisation that we would have been better off if we had stayed at home. C could have done some weeding in the garden and I could have put together our new TV cabinet. Because there's no better way to round off a long weekend than staying up till 2 am constructing flat-packed furniture.