Spunk alert, girls!

I'm a guy. At work, it's not OK for me to

• look at women for too long
• talk about their physical attractiveness (or otherwise) in anything but the most prudent/euphemistic language
• hold, grab, rub-up-against, bump into, molest or touch them in any way, unless completely by accident
• compliment them on how nice they look, lest it be construed that I am making sexual overtones towards them

I'm not complaining; I agree that there are behaviours at work which are unprofessional and unwanted in mixed company. What really shits me then, is that somehow, members of the female population at my workplace think the following examples of behaviour are acceptable:

• calling me "love" on the phone
• walking up behind me while I'm reading the newspaper and grabbing my waist/rib area in order to tickle me
• saying (again on the phone) "I just wanted to follow up on that issue and to talk to you again... because you have a lovely voice"
• run to the café next door tittering like schoolgirls to catch a glimpse of some AFL footballer who's eating breakfast there

The tickling thing has happened three times. It's most unpleasant. The last time it happened was a few months ago now before my last trip overseas. I had been to the doctor that lunchtime to get an innoculation for somethingorother and was feeling a bit how's-your-father. I was sick and tired of the fact that it had happened twice before (involving different women each time), so when, on this particular day, a third female thought she'd give me a little pinch, I'm afraid I lost it. With all the drugs or whatever in my system I was feeling rather giddy and a bit disoriented and when I said "I don't think it would be acceptable if I came up behind you and clutched at your person", and she said "baby you can grab me anytime," a third party had to explain it to her that I was actually being serious. This made me even more irate and it was only when I illustrated how, if one of the male managers grabbed the arse of one of the younger female employees, it would be a huge incident (making sure to throw in the phrase fucking not OK for emphasis) did she begin to see my point. All is forgiven now, of course and I have a good relationship with the woman. It didn't escape my notice though that it was her who came in from the café this morning telling the other female staff members about footyboy tucking into his B&E.